The Value of Honesty in Our Everyday Lives

“How are you doing?”

“Fine!” or “Great!” or “Awesome!”

We’ve all been there — someone asks how you’re doing, and without a second thought you respond with what you think they want to hear. It’s easy to assume that others, even our close friends and loved ones, aren’t interested in how we’re actually feeling, or what we’re struggling with everyday, or what we may need help with in order to have a better quality of life. We may think that they’re asking to be polite but have no genuine interest in the honest answer — which is exactly why we should be honest.

Life is full of pleasantries and niceties, but your emotions don’t have to be on that list. You can, in the appropriate settings, challenge yourself to s hare what’s real without first convincing yourself that they won’t care.

Lying about (or glossing over) how you feel, even in seemingly-unimportant situations, further perpetuates the idea that you always need to have things together. If you are the person who always holds everything together for others, or minimizes yourself and your needs in order to be a “better” friend, partner, family member, or otherwise, then you could stand to benefit the most from switching up your usual responses.

So what can you say instead? How can you use everyday conversations like this to challenge yourself to better honor your feelings, your mental space, and your needs?

“How have you been?”

“Honestly, not great! I’ve been feeling … … … but I am also excited about … … … how are you?”

The key is to be both aware of your emotions and where they may be stemming from, without needing the person you’re speaking with to hold everything together for you. By going inward and having regular conversations with yourself about your feelings, you may be better prepared to answer honestly next time someone asks — and confidently.

You can reach a place where you feel utter confidence in sharing what’s most real to you. And you may very well inspire them to do the same.